Wild Woman

24 11 2012

My mom dresses just like the Cosmo Girl.

Caution: contains explicit language; I’m quoting my mother.

At some points in my life…I sometimes…have been known to flash certain people. Not in public, mind you, but I have been known to flash my daughter as well as my sweetie. Not at the same time—that would be weird. So it just came to their awareness that they had both been recipients of this gift. Which led them to ask, “Why?” I replied, “ Well, it’s kinda like when Nana flips you off.” Both my daughter and sweetie were perplexed and said, “Nana has never flipped me off.” This led me to the realization that I need to start writing down my mother’s wild woman stories.

History
What makes Mom’s stories so wild to me is that I’ve watched her grow into her wildness. She’s gotten feisty in her senior years. At 84, she’s clear as a bell and can always read her audience and knows just how outrageous she can be. She’s got that sweet, little ole lady thing going for her; think a southern, genteel, frail, Betty White.

Dinner Conversation
We traveled to her Texas family roots for a holiday a few years back. The family adores each others stories and the more outrageous they are, the louder we laugh. We tell the same ones over and over and all talk at the same time. Mom’s brother is known to email the raunchiest of jokes to his daughters. We think we’re all hilarious. So as we gather round the table Mom tells everyone about her new boyfriend, Dick (that’s really his name) at the nursing home. She tells us one night she carried her boom box down to Dick’s room, very late, when everyone was asleep. She slips quietly into his room turns the sexy music on and she proceeds to do a strip tease for him. She then, picks up her boom box and goes back to her room. The next day, Dick tells her that he had the strangest dream. She never tells him it wasn’t a dream.

The Night Shift
Not long after this, Dick and Mom move into the same room. She tells us all that she can’t get any sleep. The night shift, she says, “keep coming in our room all night trying to catch us f*#king!”

The ER
Mom is frail and falls more often these days, which seriously concern me. She took a tumble recently that put her in the ER. Her hand needed stitching up. It was a bad cut, but it was a minor injury in the ER. While the staff was sewing her up, she engaged them in a friendly conversation. I’ve learned to be quiet when she’s on a roll. She was telling them about her “fiancé” Dick. She said, “I have no interest in getting married, but I did make him put a ring on my finger,” holding up her uninjured hand. She was rambling on about him and how he’s such a picky eater. The ER staff was listening politely. She then said, “So I asked him, what do you like to eat? You know what he said? He said he likes to eat pussy.” This comment had them in stitches.

My DNA
I realize I have this wild woman gene in me. My daughter has already witnessed her own future ‘cause she has it too. I guess it’s time to go flash someone.

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63 responses

24 11 2012
Forever 51

I LOVE YOUR MOM!!!!!!!!!! I hope to be like that one day too!

24 11 2012
conniemcleod

Thanks! She is awesome! And she knows it!

21 12 2012
Anne Louise Bannon

Wild women are the best! I aspire to be like your mom.

21 12 2012
conniemcleod

Anne I’ll tell her!

15 01 2013
Grown and Flown

She is lively! How wonderful that you are cataloguing her wild woman stories for all of time, and your daughter. A legacy of liveliness! (BTW, I am from Texas so maybe we should compare notes someday.)

15 01 2013
conniemcleod

She was born in Hillsboro, My grandmother was from Grand Saline and my grandfather was from Waxahachi. I’ve still got family scattered throughout the state. Lot of wild woman stories.

6 05 2013
Grown and Flown

We should compare notes sometime!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Sounds like a great idea!

17 01 2013
Mrs. Tucker

YES! Love her.

17 01 2013
conniemcleod

Me too!!

28 01 2013
The Itty Bitty Boomer

Yes! Please write down her stories and share them often! lol! My mom skated roller derby with the SF Bay Bombers back in the 40’s …. my grandma (mom’s mom) rode around SF in the side hack of grandpa’s motorcycle …. grandma also used Nair (when it was a new product) and suffered one heck of a chemical burn …. got snocked before every flight she ever took …. I love that we have that same incredible wild-woman genes, my and my daughter … we laugh about them and appreciate them every day!

28 01 2013
conniemcleod

You sound like you too come from an amazing lineage of wild women!! I promise to keep posting about her. She loves to read about herself “on the computer.”

28 01 2013
The Itty Bitty Boomer

hahaha! I bet she does!

1 05 2013
Lois

Now THAT is the way to age! You go, Connie’s mom!

1 05 2013
conniemcleod

She loves to read these comments.

1 05 2013
beverlydiehl

Your mom rocks. If I live to be her age, would love to be such a spicy wild woman.

1 05 2013
conniemcleod

I love the word spicy applied to my mom.

1 05 2013
Risa

Hilarious! I hope those pesky night shift folks leave her and Dick alone so they can get it on!

2 05 2013
conniemcleod

Risa, the woman in me celebrates this, the daughter in me runs screaming out of the room covering her ears!!

6 05 2013
Cathy Chester

I love it! A wild woman is something to be proud of, who you certainly are. This was so much fun to read!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Cathy! For Mother’s Day I’ll print this out for her, so she can read the comments over and over.

6 05 2013
afterthekidsleave

Your mum sounds like she has a huge personality, Connie! What a hoot!
Karen

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

She does love to be the center of attention!

6 05 2013
amynruhlin

Wild Woman is right! How fun, Connie.

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Amy, she is an endless source of stories!

6 05 2013
Lori Lavender Luz

OMG — your mother is a hoot! You tell her I said so.

She’s adorable, too. Love seeing you two together. With Cosmo!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Don’t worry Lori, I’ll tell her!

6 05 2013
Generation Above Me (@TheGenAboveMe)

Connie, you always write posts with such fire in them, and now I see this is a family trait. Hug your mom for me (if she’ll hold still long enough).

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

What a fabulous thing for you to say! Ill definitly give my Mom a big ole hug! Thanks again!

6 05 2013
Ginger Kay

Your mom sounds like she truly enjoys her life, and that seems like the best lesson we can teach, doesn’t it?

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

My mom looks back on her life with no regrets. We should all be that lucky.

6 05 2013
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife

I love that your mom is fearless!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

She is awesome

6 05 2013
Ellen Dolgen

I LOVE how so many moms get feistier as they age – it’s a sure sign they’re not letting the years get to them and they’re showing the world they’re spirit is kicking strong! Amazing! I hope my spirit becomes more untamed as I age, as well!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Yes, I also want to become fearless!

6 05 2013
Amanda Fox

I agree with Ellen. Women do get feistier as they get older. Why waste any more time? Your mom was smart. She started that way LOL. She rocks!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Amanda, she does rock. I’m following in her footsteps as is my daughter!

6 05 2013
homeplaceblogger

I knew from your Linky title that this would be a good one…and you did not disappoint!

Your mom sounds wonderful! I love her and want to be JUST like her when I grow up.

I hope you and I both have a lot of that wild woman spunk in us!!!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

My mom is wonderful. I continue to grow wilder every year!!!

6 05 2013
Helene Bludman

I loved reading this before and the second time was even better. What a character! And spunky!

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks for reading it twice!

6 05 2013
barbarashallue

I’m so glad you started writing her stories down – your mom sounds like such a fun spirit. I think I’m rediscovering that wild woman in me as I get older, too.

6 05 2013
conniemcleod

Barbara, may we all find our own wild woman within us!!

7 05 2013
Pat

Connie, your mom sound like an adorable, spunky, wild woman extraordinaire, living every moment to fullest. Now I see who inspired your feisty writing.

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

Pat, thanks! I loved that you called my writing “feisty”!

7 05 2013
Marci Rich

Oh wow! I love this woman! My mother had Cosmopolitan around the house, too. I wish I knew why…she was such a prim, strict woman. Must have had one helluva interior life! You are wise to sit back when your mom’s “on a roll.” She’s giving you great material! I wish her strength and a long, happy life with Dick.

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

We always has Cosmo around the house when I was growing up. I forget it was controversial in it’s hey day. I do remember the Burt Reynolds centerfold.

7 05 2013
Stacy

Your mom is awesome! If only mine was half that funny.

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

Stacy, she doesn’t always know just how funny she is! Thanks.

7 05 2013
Raquel @ Organized Island

Oh your mom sounds like a hoot! Too funny! I am glad your mom is still up to her tricks. Our moms are the same age 🙂

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

She is a hoot. For Mother’s Day, I’ll print this out and she’ll read everyone’s comments over and over again.

7 05 2013
javaj240

I think I may be becoming your Mom in my old age, LOL!

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

Then that means you’re an awesome wild woman!

7 05 2013
janieemaus

My mom is wild too. We should get them together!

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

That would be fun! If we filmed them it would go instantly viral!

7 05 2013
Carpool Goddess

Your mom is fabulous! Love her spirit.

7 05 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks!!

8 05 2013
daphne

84?! Nice! and with spunk, to boot! 🙂

8 05 2013
conniemcleod

Yes, she’s frail but spunky!

8 05 2013
Beck BAM Sadler

Connie! How have I known you this long and not heard more about this incredible woman!!! But of course she is amazing – look at the trail she is leaving- you and Jade! I absolutely see where you get your appreciation of Dick, F*#&@^ and pussy!!! I’m so disappointed your blog may have been looked over because of those words – you describe a woman we would all should hope to be. Love to your mom, love to you and Jade and may there be plenty of Dick, f*&^@%* and pussy stories to come!!!!

8 05 2013
conniemcleod

Oh Bam, your comment has me laughing so hard, I’m crying! You know how much I love you, Wham

6 08 2013
sulliv90

Oh Connie, now I see where you get it from! Loved it! VirginiA

6 08 2013
conniemcleod

Bless our hearts!!!

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