Self Doubt

5 03 2013

4.1.1

I just accomplished a goal. I traveled to give a workshop. It’s the first time I’ve been asked to present my Creativity and Innovation workshop out of town. It was also the largest audience I’ve ever presented to. Since it was a regional women’s conference, it was not filled with familiar faces.  I did great. I’ve presented this several times, so it’s been fine-tuned. I had good involvement with the audience, they laughed when I wanted them to and a few lingered afterwards to talk. Immediately after I had that speaker high from the knowledge that I did well.

So the surprise came on the daylong drive home. I did well, but I asked myself,  “Was it good enough?”  I know I was not as good as the keynote speaker.  I’ve got no future bookings.  I’m really a fraud.

Wow! Where did this negative self speak come from? I’m immersed in what the creative process is. Not only is it what my workshop is about, I’m also facilitating An Artist’s Way at Work group and we’re halfway through the 12-week program. Even my professional club’s last speaker a few days ago was on the Creative Process.

I was experiencing the very thing I talk about—negative self speak. I know this can be roadblocks to creativity, if we allow it.

My club’s speaker said something that put it all into context. It’s that yes, self-doubt is part of the creative process (at least for many). We all experience it somewhat differently. When it happens, simply recognize it for what it is.  What’s important is to know your own process.

AH HA! So for me, this self-doubt is part of me pushing my own boundaries. That doesn’t mean to stop moving forward.  This happened after I gave my presentation, not before, which is when I expected the emotion.  So, I must be gentle with myself and not let this emotion stop me.

I’ve also leaned to recognize the gifts the universe sends me. In the middle of all these negative thoughts, I get an email. I’ve been asked to be a conversationalist at the upcoming TEDxLSU . I respond immediately with a big YES.  I don’t even really know what the duties of the job entail, but I figure they know I can talk to most anybody. Me being a talker, of this I have no doubt.

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10 responses

5 03 2013
Generation Above Me (@TheGenAboveMe)

Oh, you are so right. Negative self-talk is a sneaky devil who must be banished. Hooray for pulling out of the slump so quickly with your “yes” email. Keep rockin’ your fabulous self.

5 03 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks! I really appreciate your comment.

5 03 2013
Pam@over50feeling40

I have taught teens speech for several years and I tell them no matter how good you are, all speakers suffer from speaker’s remorse directly after the speech.. It is natural and actually if you understand that it IS natural you can use it to fine tune what you do and make it even better the next time!! I am sure you did amazing!

5 03 2013
conniemcleod

Pam, THANK YOU for sharing that. I did not know. I understand the creative process when it comes to design or writing, but speaking is still somewhat new to me. I’m all about doing things outside of my comfort zone these days!

6 03 2013
Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs

Congratulations on making it through the one and being invited to speak at an even bigger one! You obviously do rock the workshop scene. I do know what you mean about the negative speeches we give ourselves, even after a job well done. I recently interviewed a powerful and inspirational woman and she seemed to appreciate my thoughtful questions and our off-the-record conversation, as well. Once through, I was on a high … then hated myself by the time my hour-long drive home was complete and I’d bashed myself the entire way for all the little things I thought I’d done or said wrong. We need to be more gentle with ourselves, for sure.
Again, congratulations!

6 03 2013
conniemcleod

Lisa I must clarify I’m not a presenter at TEDx. I’m very flattered they asked me to be a conversationalist. I think that means that I keep the conversation going about the ideas that have been discussed during the breaks and after. I’m sure there’s a blog that’ll come out of it.

6 03 2013
Kimberly Crespo

Love all of your posts, Connie! So proud to call you my friend!

Kimberly Crespo
5425 Florida Blvd
Baton Rouge, LA 70806
1-800-211-8335, extension 3030
kim@emprint.com

6 03 2013
conniemcleod

HUGS! You know I love you too Kim!

6 03 2013
Carpool Goddess (@CarpoolGoddess)

I think most of us have the self doubt chatter going on in our head, but we don’t have to listen to it. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

6 03 2013
conniemcleod

HA! That’s one of many conversations that are going on inside my head!!

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