And the seasons they go round and round

27 10 2013

LeavesLoss comes in many forms. I got a late night call from my daughter this week to tell me her long-time friend Michael had taken his life. I had an intense maternal need to wrap my arms around my baby girl to protect her from the tidal wave of grief that swept over us both. I could feel the emotional aftermath that was hitting all who knew this talented and brilliant young man.

As I tried to make sense of it all, I rewatched Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk on creative genius. She talks of the fear of being a creative person and being undone by those gifts. We know when we have seen the artist who is lit from within, when they give a performance that is transcendent. When we have this experience, we see a glimpse of the divine.

Those who knew Michael saw his transcendent gift as we watched his hands fly over the piano keys when he played.  Perhaps the burden of that gift was too difficult for him to bear.

The universe has been whispering to me of the seasons of life. While Gilbert’s TED Talk spoke to my intellect, it was listening to Joni Mitchell’s song, The Circle Game that unleashed the tears.

My daughter is looking at a spring college graduation, just as her friend Michael was. A year from now she will probably be living in a far off city. While I want to hold her close to me, it is my job to encourage her to fly.

We can’t stop the seasons from going round and round. Pain and tragedy are part of living a full life.  As a parent I hope I have given my daughter the tools she needs to enter her new adult life and the inner strength to sustain her in difficult times.

We leave our gifts with the world no matter how long we walk upon it. My week ended with a baby’s christening, a life just starting, full of promise and possibility, blessed by the universe.

The seasons they will continue.

The Circle Game
by Joni Mitchell   

Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star

Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like when you’re older must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game 

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
And they tell him take your time it won’t be long now
Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There’ll be new dreams maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game 

Advertisements

Actions

Information

37 responses

27 10 2013
Lisa Garon Froman

So sad. It’s really hard to understand. I am sorry for Jade, and Michael, and his family.

27 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Lisa, it is a tragic loss.

27 10 2013
Pat

Connie, I am so sorry to hear this. Such a tragedy. Please give my condolences to your daughter and Michael’s family.

27 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Pat, I will.

27 10 2013
Lisha @ The Lucky Mom

“We can’t stop the seasons from going round and round. Pain and tragedy are part of living a full life.”

They are. And giving her those tools you spoke of is truly the essence of parenting, isn’t it. The tools to deal with joy, with sadness, with anticipation, with disappointment. So sorry for your family’s loss.

27 10 2013
sulliv90

I am so sorry to hear of this loss for you and your daughter. It is especially heart rendering when we try to help our children through a loss Connie and my heart goes out to you. Your post is wonderful and reminds me that life is a full experience of pain as well as joy. Love to you both- Virginia

27 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Virginia, I feel your hugs from across the country.

27 10 2013
conniemcleod

I appreciate your thoughtful comment Lisha.

27 10 2013
Lisa_GrandmasBriefs

I’m so sorry to hear this, Connie. It’s incredibly difficult to understand such things and even worse when they affect our babies. My daughters have been to more funerals than I have been to. Such sadness. You, your daughter and Michael’s loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers.

27 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Lisa. Writing this was part of my grieving process.

27 10 2013
Laurel Regan

So very sad. Just this week we heard of a young girl in our city who took her own life and was found just down the street from our home, and our hearts broke for her and her family. Thinking of your daughter as she deals with this loss, and of you as you are there for her.

27 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Laurel, we are moving thru the grief process. It is so terribly sad.

28 10 2013
joyweesemoll

So sorry for the loss in your family and community. My husband recently introduced me to the song The Circle Game. A comfort.

28 10 2013
conniemcleod

I appreciate your comment Joy. It is a beautiful song, but I never paid that much attention to the words as I have this week.

28 10 2013
Helene Bludman

What a terrible, tragic loss. What brings young people to that precipice is unfathomable, but in too many cases their secret demons are only known to them. My heart and prayers go out to you and your daughter, Connie, and of course Michael’s family.

28 10 2013
afterthekidsleave

That’s so terrible to hear, Connie. I’m very sorry.
^K.

28 10 2013
conniemcleod

I appreciate your comment.

28 10 2013
Walker Thornton

Lovely tribute. So sorry for the loss you, your daughter and others are experiencing.

28 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Walker, it is just so sad.

29 10 2013
Carol Cassara (@ccassara)

The most creative people seem to also be the most tortured. Blessings to you and his family, friends. That song resonated with me back in the day, before I had any idea of what it really could mean. Now? different thoughts.
Carol
http://www.carolcassara.com

29 10 2013
conniemcleod

Carol, I never really listened to the words, but the phrase the seasons go round and round came to me early one morning while journaling. I went online and read the lyrics and listened to the song and the tears just came. This post was born out of those tears.

29 10 2013
Dawn D Collins

Reblogged this on Dawn D. Collins, M.P.A..

30 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Dawn, I appreciate you sharing this post about Michael.

30 10 2013
Haralee

Sorry for the loss for your daughter. So very sad when young people use suicide as a last resort when we know as older individuals there are more options available.

30 10 2013
conniemcleod

Thanks Haralee, he will be deeply missed.

31 10 2013
Sheryl

This is so tragic. You can’t help but wonder, when young people take their lives, what they might have been.

31 10 2013
conniemcleod

It’s still hard to believe.

31 10 2013
Estelle Sobel Erasmus

Connie, I’m so sorry for your daughter’s loss of her friend. I know you want to shield her from all pain as a mother; that’s the thing nobody tells you when you become a mom. And, yes, I feel songs deeply, too like “Dust in the Wind,’ or from Pippin “In Just No Time at All.
Estelle

31 10 2013
conniemcleod

It’s interesting how different songs speak to us at different times in our lives. Thanks.

31 10 2013
Lois Alter Mark

I’m so sorry, Connie. My daughter lost her best friend at the age of 10 and in some ways will never get over it. I have cried over The Circle Game more times than I can count. Joni Mitchell has pretty much supplied the soundtrack to my life.

31 10 2013
conniemcleod

I can’t even imagine dealing with the loss of a friend in childhood. It’s all so sad.

4 11 2013
Sandra Sallin

Yes, so sad indeed and so young. He didn’t give life a chance. He must have been in incredible pain. So sad.

7 11 2013
conniemcleod

Sandra, yes, and I don’t believe his friends really knew about that pain, which made it such a shock.

4 11 2013
Linda Wolff (@CarpoolGoddess)

So heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your and your daughter’s loss. And of course, the young man’s family. Just tragic.

7 11 2013
conniemcleod

Yes, Linda, just heartbreaking.

6 11 2013
Cathy Chester

I could have sworn I left you a comment. I am so very sorry for the loss. Extremely sorry. You wrote an eloquent post. I’m with you always, Connie.

7 11 2013
conniemcleod

Cathy, I thought you left a comment too. Thanks again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: